We were going to go to the beach and then we didn't.
We shopped for a chair for my brother's mother in law.
Found this comfy chair. Tested it for comfiness. It passed.
We went to a fabric store where I looked around blankly not comprehending anything I was seeing. I suspect at least some of it was fabric.
I was serious when I said my life is mundane. Especially this week. I'm on vacation with my family and my oldest child. ONE child. ONE mostly self-sufficient child. It's like I'm retired. If I lost the use of my legs, I probably wouldn't even notice until I ran out of snacks within reach.
Went to a meeting for Girls Camp last night. Not my meeting. Not my stake. Not my girls. I was just going along. Ended up being surprisingly difficult for me. Reminded me of when I went to girl's camp. That reminded me of being a teenager. That reminded me of being unhappy and fat and nerdy and made fun of.
Had to stop paying attention to the meeting and read a church book I had brought along instead. Weird how that hit me. Irritating that I was bothered.
The beginning of this book talked about a girl who wasn't going to pass 6th grade because of her math and spelling skills. Got me thinking how grade school didn't bother me much. I mean, they pulled me out of mainstream classes in second grade and put me into classes that better suited me academically. I NEVER had to mingle with the intellectual hoi polloi outside of lunch, recess and church.
Junior high changed all of that. I was suddenly thrown in with the general public. And of course, I am entirely lacking social skills. Oh, and I was fat. Oh, and I can't dress competently and had ZERO fashionable clothes EVER.
Odd thing is, now that I'm so exceedingly old, I wish I had been EVEN MORE nerdy. I wish I had held onto that nerdiness that I had and never tried to change me. The things I was comfortable with, are GREAT traits to have as an adult and as a parent. My regrets now are that, throughout my life, I have not been nerdy enough, reserved enough, disconnected from the world enough. As bad as I was, it's too bad I wasn't even worse. 'Cause that would sure make me a better mom.
Thanks for listening.
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