THINGS MY DOG THINKS ARE FOOD WHICH ARE NOT ACTUALLY FOOD

1. Paper, especially paper containing information vital to our continuing existence.

2. Lip gloss, no matter how high of a counter we place it on.

3. Live cats which we currently keep as Pets, not Free Range Feeder Cats as the dog supposes.

4. My hands, which will soon be stripped entirely of skin from his constant licking.

5. Barbies, both Malibu and Princess, with no regard for their collectable or resale value.

6. Garbage, because apparently items ajacent to food may, to my dog, actually turn into food.

7. Plates formerly containing food, which he will clean so thoroughly a CSI crew could no longer find trace evidence on them.

8. Stuffed animals, perhaps confusing them with actual animals that have accepted their fate as entreés and become too lazy to run from predators.

9. Anything with blood on it, seriously ANYTHING. We really need locking lids on the bathroom garbages.

10. The other dog's butt. You dont want to know more about this, it will cost you your temple recommend.